When a Loved One Has Cancer - Having The "Cancer Talk" With Children

When a loved one has cancer, it is natural for a child to have questions.  The problem is your child may not know what his or her questions are.  More than likely he wants to know what you want to know... "Is Grandma going to be ok?"  While it may be a difficult conversation to have, it is important to reassure the child.  Here are some suggestions to start talking with your child when a loved one has cancer:

1.  Cancer isn't contagious!  It isn't like a cold that you can catch from someone.  Let your child know that it is ok to hug and kiss a person with cancer and that they will not "catch the cancer."

2.  The doctors that grandpa goes to see take care of people with cancer everyday.  Let the child know that the doctors are working very hard and taking good care of your loved one.

3.  Cancer isn't anyones fault.  No one can give someone else cancer and sometimes there is no good reason that the person got cancer.  While your loved ones cancer may have been related to environmental factors - in my opinion, this is not the time to explain them to a child.  Until the cancer is in complete remission, it would not be appropriate to attribute skin cancer with grandma not wearing sunscreen or lung cancer to grandpa smoking.  This is placing blame on them and would only scare your child.  These discussions can be had at a more age appropriate time and at a time when it is not such a new issue.

4.  It is alright to feel upset.  You might feel sad or mad because Grandma feels sick, or because Daddy can't play with you all of the time.  Remind the child that there are other ways to have fun with their loved one.  Board games, watching a movie together, think of it like a rainy day.  Sometimes laughter really is good medicine, so try to keep it light and remember to smile and joke even when we are feeling stressed.

5.  Grandpa might look a little bit different,or he might have to rest more.  It is important for a child to be mentally prepared to see their loved one if they have gone through chemotherapy.  If changes are expected, they are less scary.  Help them be thoughtful of your loved one.  Maybe bake grandpa cookies before you visit, or make him a card to send in the mail.

Don't forget to send lots of love to your family member who is dealing with cancer. 

If you need help caring for a family member with cancer, American Companion Care can help.  Click Here for our free information packet about the products and services that we offer.